5 Ways To Deal With Spam Callers Without Being Rude

I’ll cut to the chase. I am a whole lot grumpier than I used to be and the days when I calmly and professionally dealt with difficult clients on the phone at my old office job feel like a million years ago now. I get a lot of spam calls, mostly asking me to do a survey, trying to fix my computer or wanting to help me get compensation for an accident that wasn’t my fault. There’s also the PPI brigade. I already claimed mine four years ago and Alex claimed his last year. I cannot be bothered with these calls. So, here are my five top tips for how to deal with these spam calls, without being rude and giving yourself bad energy.
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Turn The tables

There’s always a way to turn the tables. Are you self-employed? Do you have a hobby like crafting? The best and most productive way to deal with sales calls is to say you’ll buy their product if they buy yours. I did try to sell my e-books to a guy from India once. He called himself Alistair. I doubt that Alistair ever did buy them but it was funny AF.

Praise the Lord

The number one best way to deal with spam callers is to get all religious on them. Find God. Tell them you’d like to take their survey but first, do they have a minute to talk about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ? Treat them to a rendition of Spirit In The Sky.

Make a new friend

Does your caller need to know what model of washing machine you own? Ask what make of dishwasher they own. If they ask what car you drive, ask what car they drive. Get to know your caller. Answers questions with questions. You never know, they might hate their job and need someone to talk to.

Overshare

You could always tell them every single detail of your life. Were you in an accident that wasn’t your fault? Why, yes! I was. I stubbed my toe on the side of a vacuum cleaner my husband was using back in April 2016 and my toenail turned black. It fell off a few weeks later. I usually paint them red but I ended up painting them black for an entire summer because who wants one black toenail and the rest red? By the time you get onto the details of your first pedicure appointment after the accident, they’ll be long gone.

Please hold

Tell them you’ll be with them in a minute, put on some Marilyn Manson or whatever your tunes of choice are, and put the phone next to the speaker. Go and have a cuppa. It’s not as much fun as singing to them or as lucrative as selling your products to them, but it does work.

What is your favourite way of dealing with spam callers?
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7 Comments

  1. Gruntelfluk
    January 8, 2012 / 6:29 pm

    Brilliant! you had 3 of us laughing in this house when we read this!

  2. January 20, 2012 / 9:19 pm

    Glad you enjoyed it! šŸ™‚ Alastair never did buy it though šŸ™

  3. March 22, 2018 / 9:06 pm

    Awesome advice if you want to be non-offensive. Me? I’m past caring if they get offended, I normally ask them to hang on a mo while I take a pan off the hob… put the phone down on the worktop and go and do something else. I have know some hang on for a ridiculous length of time before they hang up.

    • Lacey Dearie
      March 22, 2018 / 9:50 pm

      I have been known to get quite shouty at them so Iā€™m trying to be a bit more lighthearted. The last time I got shouty at one he phoned back a few minutes later, asked to speak to my husband and told him that I was his girlfriend and I was having an affair with him. They can get really nasty back so Iā€™m determined to have a laugh with it all now.

      • March 22, 2018 / 10:14 pm

        That was seriously over the top of them

  4. March 22, 2018 / 11:32 pm

    I do feel sorry for some of them as they are trying to make a living. I might try some of your suggestions however as there is a particularly annoying one keeps ringing on my mobile phone wanting to help me find a cheaper electricity price and the one that wants me to take out funeral insurance.

  5. March 23, 2018 / 1:52 pm

    Around here we like to tell them Bless your Heart! And then I let one of the kiddos talk to them til they hang up. lol

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