Turn The tables
There’s always a way to turn the tables. Are you self-employed? Do you have a hobby like crafting? The best and most productive way to deal with sales calls is to say you’ll buy their product if they buy yours. I did try to sell my e-books to a guy from India once. He called himself Alistair. I doubt that Alistair ever did buy them but it was funny AF.
Praise the Lord
The number one best way to deal with spam callers is to get all religious on them. Find God. Tell them you’d like to take their survey but first, do they have a minute to talk about our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ? Treat them to a rendition of Spirit In The Sky.
Make a new friend
Does your caller need to know what model of washing machine you own? Ask what make of dishwasher they own. If they ask what car you drive, ask what car they drive. Get to know your caller. Answers questions with questions. You never know, they might hate their job and need someone to talk to.
Overshare
You could always tell them every single detail of your life. Were you in an accident that wasn’t your fault? Why, yes! I was. I stubbed my toe on the side of a vacuum cleaner my husband was using back in April 2016 and my toenail turned black. It fell off a few weeks later. I usually paint them red but I ended up painting them black for an entire summer because who wants one black toenail and the rest red? By the time you get onto the details of your first pedicure appointment after the accident, they’ll be long gone.
Please hold
Tell them you’ll be with them in a minute, put on some Marilyn Manson or whatever your tunes of choice are, and put the phone next to the speaker. Go and have a cuppa. It’s not as much fun as singing to them or as lucrative as selling your products to them, but it does work.
Brilliant! you had 3 of us laughing in this house when we read this!
Glad you enjoyed it! 🙂 Alastair never did buy it though 🙁
Awesome advice if you want to be non-offensive. Me? I’m past caring if they get offended, I normally ask them to hang on a mo while I take a pan off the hob… put the phone down on the worktop and go and do something else. I have know some hang on for a ridiculous length of time before they hang up.
I have been known to get quite shouty at them so I’m trying to be a bit more lighthearted. The last time I got shouty at one he phoned back a few minutes later, asked to speak to my husband and told him that I was his girlfriend and I was having an affair with him. They can get really nasty back so I’m determined to have a laugh with it all now.
That was seriously over the top of them
I do feel sorry for some of them as they are trying to make a living. I might try some of your suggestions however as there is a particularly annoying one keeps ringing on my mobile phone wanting to help me find a cheaper electricity price and the one that wants me to take out funeral insurance.
Around here we like to tell them Bless your Heart! And then I let one of the kiddos talk to them til they hang up. lol