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Mental Health,  Personal

Why I Think My Best Ideas Come At 4am

Some of you might already have read Friday’s blog about how I was looking for a fresh start. And how I am going to get it. Well, here’s what happened.

On Friday morning at 4am I had this weird determination that I haven’t felt in a long time. Almost like I knew that this was what I had to do. I can’t explain it. I then listened to an audio book to try and get back to sleep. It worked and by the time I woke up again at 7am, I wasn’t feeling it. But the vibe was so strong at 4am that I decided to listen to that part of me. That’s usually when I get my best ideas and do my best work.

Over breakfast I decided that if I’m going to have a fresh start, I have to start by looking for work in another town. So, Kilmaurs, Kilmarnock, Barrhead and Paisley were out. So, I decided to try Irvine, Prestwick and Troon. I put on my suit, printed out some CVs and Alex let me borrow his car so I didn’t have to drive my old jelly bean on wheels.

The first place I tried was a charity. And they said yes! I thought my best chance of success was seeking out a voluntary position. Some will say I am aiming too low, but I did this for a few reasons. Firstly, I have had so many knocks and rejections and failures that I NEED a win. I’m in a more fragile state than I have ever been. If I have to aim low to get that win, I’ll do it. Secondly, charity work will make me feel good about myself and it will look great on my CV. Finally, I’ll learn something new. Those who were surprised at my happiness on Friday and see this as a step down for me don’t realise how low I’ve been recently. This is a step up.

They gave me some forms to complete and I need two references, so I have asked the editor of OxGadgets and my next door neighbour, who are probably best qualified to give an accurate opinion on who I am now – certainly better qualified than any former employer. Plus, most of my old bosses are dead now.

As soon as I get my references back, I start volunteering. It’s four hours per week minimum and I plan to do that for three months – until this academic year finishes. Then I’ll have new skills, new references and I will hopefully be stronger in every way.

It’s a new chapter. Maybe even a new book. We’ll see.



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